"One who lets go of everything is a real Sannyasin."

As I come out of the room, I see Chaitanya Bharti standing there with his camera. I ask him if he will take a picture of me with Osho after discourse. He agrees to it. I tell him that after discourse I will go near Osho, where he should be available.

I sit down on the floor in the audience near the podium and close my eyes. I am in an "Aha" space. I have no clue of what is going on. There are about 400 to 500 people sitting in pin drop silence waiting to receive their master. In a couple of minutes I feel Osho’s presence near me and I open my eyes. He is right in front of me, standing with His folded hands, greeting His friends. I look upwards to see His face one more time to quench my unending thirst. He speaks nearly two hours, answering all kinds of questions.

After discourse, I walk towards Him and say, "Osho, I want to have a picture with you." He immediately agrees to it and I stand next to Him on His right side, and Chaitanya Bharti clicks his camera in seconds. This picture is my real treasure. When I receive it in the mail from Delhi, I take it to show to Osho.

Osho gazes at the picture for a minute and signs it with the message; "One who lets go of everything is a real Sannyasin."

Chapter 57

"Now you are a Sannyasin"

Meditation camp at Manali has started. Today, I go to see Osho in my regular clothes. He asks me, "Where is your orange dress? Why have you put it on?" I tell Him, "I will put it tomorrow."

Next morning, I am dressed in my orange lunghi and kurta and have come to see Him before discourse with my girl friend Veena from Bombay. We both are waiting in the living room with much excitement. After a few minutes, He comes out of the bathroom. His face is very radiant with an aura of light around Him. He greets me with a big smile as I go neat Him to touch His feet. He blesses me placing His hand on my head.

As I get up, He says, "You look good in this dress. Now you are a Sannyasin. What name should be given to you?" He places a huge Mala with big beads around my neck. I am just surprised, not knowing what is going on. I take it all as a joke and simply laugh. He looks at Veena, and the name ‘Jyoti’ slips out of her mouth. Osho likes this name and says, "It is good name but not complete. ‘Dharm Jyoti’ will be the right name for you." It all happens standing in the living room. That is how I am initiated into Sannyas. Not a big deal. I feel pulled towards Him and hug Him. He receives my hug, showering all His love on me by placing His hand on my head. I feel drowned in utter silence and joy.

Chapter 56

"It will look good on you"

Meditation camp will soon be happening in Manali. Today morning, He asks me if I like the orange colour dress of Laxmi. I say, “Yes Osho, it looks good on her.” He says, “It will look good in the meditation camp, the participants wearing the same colour. You get one dress made like Laxmi’s.” He gives the same message to Karuna also. We both agree to it.

Since that message, He has asked us three time if our orange dresses are ready. And our answer is the same, “Not yet.” There is still quite a time until the meditation camp. To my surprise today, I go to see Him and find this big pile of orange cloth sitting in one of the corners of His room. He asks me to cut the piece of cloth for my dress. I feel ashamed for not making my dress in time and giving Him all this trouble. Maybe I was not serious about it, but He looks serious. With the help of a friend, I cut four meters of cloth for me with shaky hands. Some unknown fear grips me and I am unable to look at Him. He calls me and I sit near His feet, with the bundle of cloth in my lap, looking at the floor.

He blesses me by keeping His hand on my head and says, “Get this dress made exactly in the same pattern as Laxmi’s. It will look good on you.” I look at His mischievously smiling face and get more confused, not understanding what He is up to.

Chapter 55

"The master is like a heavy cloud full of water..."

After the meditation camp at Nargol, Laxmi has started wearing orange color Lunghi and Kurta. Osho has appointed her as secretary and she comes to C.C.I. Chambers at 7:00am. Anyone wanting to see Osho has to take appointment from her. This is beyond my imagination. My mind is not ready to accept this new arrangement.

Everyday I am buying some roses from a blind boy who is selling them in a local train. Before starting dynamic, I am visiting Him in His bedroom to offer the flowers. I ask Osho about this appointment business started by Laxmi.

He laughs and says, "Don’t make it a problem. Just come before Laxmi arrives." I appreciate this great idea of my master and start coming fifteen minutes before Laxmi—and walk straight to His room. I feel it is not only me who wants to see Him, He is also waiting to see me.

Tonight, I heat Him saying in discourse, "The master is like a heavy cloud full of water, showering on those who are thirsty and ready to receive Him in their hearts. The disciple may feel grateful or not, but the master feels grateful towards those who have opened their heart towards Him."

He further adds, "This has never been said by masters before, but it is so. I am saying it from my own experience."

My head bows down in gratitude and I can't find any words to thank Him. I know He understands those hearts, which are beating in rhythm with His heart.

Chapter 54

"Don't hold, let go."

Osho has resigned from the university and has moved from Jabalpur to Bombay. He is staying as a guest in a three bedroom apartment at C.C.I.. Chambers which is rented by a friend for Him.

In one of the bedrooms, we-- may be eight friends-- do dynamic every morning from seven to eight. I am staying in the suburbs of Bombay and it takes me nearly an hour to reach there. One of the friends leads the meditation and the rest of us participate in it.

In the silent period of the meditation Osho comes in the room to see how we are doing today. I am sitting silently in Buddha posture and feel His presence near me.

He places His hand on my head and shakes it and whispers, "Don't hold, let go." And something happens. My whole body starts shaking, I start crying loudly. Some block inside is removed by His divine touch. I was never aware that I had suppressed so much inside me. I cry and cry for about half an hour and finally settle in deep silence.

I feel very relaxed and relieved of some invisible burden. A deep cleansing has happened in my psyche which may have taken years for me to do it on my own.

Thank you beloved master.

Thank you beloved master

Today is the last day in Pahalgaon. With Osho, sometime it feels the time has

stopped and at other times it feels it is running very fast. While I am busy packing, I hear the voice of this Muslim watchman, who is standing at the door. I ask him to come after an hour to help us carry our luggage to the car. As a token of his services, I give him twenty rupees, which he receives with thanks and leaves.

We are sitting on the verandah with Osho, ready to leave. The watchman comes and salutes Osho saying, "Aleikum Salaam". Osho smiles at him. He asks Osho if he can come to Bombay to serve Him. I can see tears in his eyes. He is deeply touched by Osho's love. Osho blesses him by placing His hand on his head, and asks me if I have given him some money. I tell Osho about giving him twenty rupees. Osho says, "Give him twenty more". Twenty rupees is quite an amount in these days. People hardly give five rupees as baksheesh to their servants. Osho has the heart of an emperor who is always ready to share to the maximum. I give the watchman twenty rupees more. While receiving it he holds my hand and starts crying. It touches me deeply and tears overflow from my eyes also. Thank you beloved master, for giving me this opportunity to open my heart to a stranger.

Chapter 52

"You are simply dreaming..."

Maharshi Mahesh Yogi is also in Pahalgaon with a group of Western disciples who have expressed their wish to talk to Osho. A meeting is arranged in the afternoon at an open lawn near a bungalow where Mahesh Yogi is staying with his disciples.

I take my little cassette recorder and join with two more friends in the car in which Osho is going. In nearly ten minutes, the car stops near a bungalow which has a beautiful big lawn in the garden. Lots of chairs are around. Mahesh Yogi is sitting on a chair talking to his disciples, who look very excited as we reach there. Osho namastes everyone with folded hands and sits on the chair next to Mahesh Yogi. I sit next to Osho with my recorder in my lap. There is no mike arrangement. Mahesh Yogi continues talking to his disciples for a while, explaining to them about the different paths leading

towards the same goal. I look at Osho, He is sitting with His eyes closed.

One of the Mahesh Yogi's disciple expresses his wish to hear Osho. There is pin drop silence for a moment. Osho opens His eyes, I am holding the microphone in my hand for recording His talk. Up till now, I have never heard Osho speaking in English to a group of westerners. May be it is His first talk in English. It is more like a dialogue than a discourse. I hear Him say, "There is no goal, the question of paths does not arise. All paths take you away from yourself. You are simply dreaming..."

Mahesh Yogi's disciples are conditioned by his teachings about different techniques. They start arguing with Osho. I can see they are not open and receptive, their minds are full of borrowed ideas. Still, Osho is answering their stupid questions for about an hour. Maharshi Mahesh Yogi looks very disturbed. Osho can destroy his whole business which is based on teaching people transcendental meditation. He does not allow Osho to finish His talk and interferes by trying to explain to his disciples that Osho's approach is different but He means the same thing. I am simply surprised by his stupidity. He is trying to protect himself by compromising with what Osho has said.