Yet we must not be foes

Take all my loves, my love, yea, take them all;

What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?

No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call;

All mine was thine before thou hadst this more.

Then if for my love thou my love receivest,

I cannot blame thee for my love thou usest;

But yet be blamed, if thou thyself deceivest

By wilful taste of what thyself refusest.

I do forgive thy robbery, gentle thief,

Although thou steal thee all my poverty;

And yet, love knows, it is a greater grief

To bear love's wrong than hate's known injury.

Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,

Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes.

- Shakespeare

If you want to test the genuineness of your friendship

How do you choose your friends? If you are like most others, you'd probably be making friends with those who support your way of thinking, feeling, understanding, likes and dislikes. So, in effect, all that you're looking for is someone who supports and approves of the mess that you have made out of yourself.

This is where a Guru differs. He is your friend, but he's also somebody who constantly pulls your ego down and tramples it under his feet. Normally if anybody touches your ego, even if he is your closest friend, he becomes your enemy. The guru has the special privilege to destroy your ego and still be your friend.

If you are someone's friend, you don't necessarily nag them constantly with all the things that are wrong with them. But at the same time, you must also have the nerve to point out the flaws in your friend, even if it is going to make you unpopular with him. In our quest to be liked by everyone, we end up doing a lot of stupid things. Look at all the unpleasantness that you have been constantly building up within yourself in order to maintain pleasantness around you! The mind is a fertile ground. So, you need to pay attention to the kind of emotions that you plant in it. The more unpleasantness you bury inside you, the bitterer the fruits.

If you want to test the genuineness of your friendship, try being unpopular with your friend. Do you have the courage to be that and still know that you like him and he likes you just the same? Right now, your friendships are made on agreements, likes and dislikes. A true friend is somebody who has the courage to point your stupidities out to you and still be as loving and nice to you as he/she had always been.

I'll explain: Three Generals of the US Army met one day. They decided to go on a tour of the Grand Canyon along with their troops, for some exercise and recreation. Very soon, the Generals began to brag about themselves. The first wanted to show how obedient his battalion was. "There is no other battalion like mine when it comes to courage and obeying my commands," he said. "Let me show you." He boomed, "Private Peter!" A young soldier came running and saluted the General, "Do you see the Canyon behind you? I want you to leap across it. Now!"

The man ran with all the speed that he could muster and leapt. Obviously, he couldn’t cross the canyon. He fell on the rocks and died a miserable death.

It was now the turn of the second General. He laughed and said, "Watch me now."

"Trooper Higgens," he called. The soldier arrived. "There is an emergency. I want you to fly across the canyon and inform this to my officer on the other side. "

The man flapped his hands and before you know, he was falling deep into the canyon.

The third General became very quiet, but the other Generals wouldn't give up. He stepped out of his camp and called out one of his men. "Listen, can you see the stream beneath?" The man nodded. The stream was only about 200 meters away from the steep waterfall. He handed over an envelope to the soldier and said, "I want you to jump into the stream, swim across it and take this message to the headquarters."

The soldier looked bewilderedly at the General and replied, "Sir, it looks like you've had a drink too much. I'm not going to do such an utterly stupid thing"

The third General turned to his shocked brother officers and said, "This is real courage!"

Be courageous in your friendships. If speaking your mind results in your losing a friend or two, be ready to part ways with them.

- Jaggi Vasudev

www.ishafoundation.org

On Love and Compassion

Beloved Osho, You speak about love and compassion. I know of and feel different forms of love and compassion. Can You explain the different forms of love, and what You mean by compassion?

Osho: Love is a ladder, a ladder of three rungs. The lowest rung is sex, the middle is love, and the highest is prayer. Because of these three rungs there are a thousand and one combinations possible.Real compassion appears only at the third rung when sex energy becomes prayer -- the compassion of a buddha, the compassion Atisha is talking about. When passion has been transformed so totally, so utterly that it is no more passion at all, then compassion appears.

Real compassion appears only when your sex energy has become prayer.But compassion can appear on the second rung too, and compassion can appear on the first rung also. Hence there are so many different compassions. For example, if compassion appears on the first rung, when you are living at the lowest level of love-energy, sex, then compassion will be just an ego trip.

Then compassion will be very egotistic: you will enjoy the idea of being compassionate. You will really enjoy the other's suffering, because it is the other's suffering that is giving you the opportunity to be compassionate.

Somebody has fallen in the river and is drowning. The sexual person can jump in and save him, but his joy is that he was so good, that he did something beautiful, something great. He will talk about it with pride, he will brag about it. Compassion on the lowest rung, that of sex, will appear only as an ego trip.

That's what millions of missionaries all over the world are doing -- serving the poor, serving the ill, serving the uneducated aboriginals, primitives. But the whole joy is that, "I am doing something great." The 'I' is strengthened. That is an ugly form of compassion. It is called duty. Duty is a four-letter dirty word.

The second kind of compassion appears when love has arrived. Then compassion is sympathy: you feel, you really feel for the other. You fall into a harmony with the other, the other's suffering stirs you. It is not something to brag about.

On the second rung, you will never talk about your compassion, never; it is not something to be talked about. In fact you will never feel that you have done anything special, you will simply feel you have done whatsoever was to be done. You will see that it was human to do it. There is nothing special in it, nothing extraordinary; you have not attained some spiritual merit in doing it.

There is nothing like merit in it: it was natural, spontaneous. Then compassion is becoming more soft, more beautiful.At the third rung, where sex energy becomes prayer, compassion appears as empathy -- not even sympathy, but empathy. Sympathy means feeling the other's suffering, but you are still at a distance; empathy means becoming one with the other's suffering -- not only feeling it but suffering it, actually going into it.

If somebody is crying, sympathy means you feel for the one who is crying, empathy means you start crying. You are not only in a feeling space, you become attuned, you become really one: at-one-ment happens.

A man came to Buddha and asked, "I am very rich and I have no children, and my wife has also died. Now I have all the money in the world. I would like to do some meritorious work. I would like to do something for the poor and the downtrodden. Just tell me, what should I do?"And it is said Buddha became very sad and a tear rolled down from his eye.

The man was very much puzzled.

He said, "Tears in your eyes? And you look so sad -- why?"Buddha said, "You cannot help anybody, because you have not even helped yourself yet. And you cannot do anything compassionate, because your energies are still at the lowest. Your base metal has not yet become gold. In fact," Buddha said, "I am feeling so sorry for you. You want to be of some help to people, but you are not. You don't exist yet, because awareness has not happened, and without awareness how can you be? You don't have a real center from where compassion can flow."

Compassion can have these three categories, and love also has three categories. First, sex. Sex simply means: "Give me -- give me more and more!" It is exploitation, it is what Martin Buber calls the I-it relationship: "You are a thing and I want to use you." The man uses the woman, the woman uses the man, the parents use the children and the children use parents, friends use friends.

They say, "A friend is a friend only; a friend in need is a friend indeed." Use, reduce the other into a commodity.To live in the I-it world is to miss the whole wonder of existence. Then you are surrounded by things -- not by persons, not by people, not by life, but just material things. The poorest man in the world is one who lives in the I-it relationship. Sex is exploitation.Love is totally different.

Love is not exploitation. Love is not an I-it relationship, it is an I-thou relationship. The other is respected as a person in his own right; the other is not a thing to be used, to be possessed, to be manipulated. The other is an independent person, a freedom. The other has to be communicated with, not exploited. Love is a communication of energies.Sex is only "Give me, give me, give me more!" Hence the sexual relationship is continuously that of war, conflict, because the other also says "Give me!"

Both want more and more, and nobody is ready to give. Hence the conflict, the tug-of-war. And of course whosoever proves more strong will exploit the other. Because man has been muscularly stronger than woman, he has exploited, he has reduced women to utter nonentities; he has destroyed the soul of women. And it was easier for him if the soul was completely destroyed.

For centuries women were not allowed to read; in many religions women were not allowed to go to the temple, women were not allowed to become priests. Women were not allowed any public life, any social life. They were imprisoned in the houses; they were cheap labor, the whole day working, working, working. And they were reduced to sex objects. There has not been much difference between prostitutes and wives in the past.

The wife was reduced into a permanent prostitute, that's all. The relationship was not a relationship, it was an ownership.Love respects the other. It is a give-and-take relationship. Love enjoys giving, and love enjoys taking. It is a sharing, it is a communication. Both are equal in love; in a sexual relationship both are not equal.

Love has a totally different beauty to it.The world is slowly slowly moving towards love relationships; hence there is great turmoil. All the old institutions are disappearing -- they have to disappear, because they were based on the I-it relationship.

New ways of communication, new ways of sharing are bound to be discovered. They will have a different flavor, the flavor of love, of sharing. Nonpossessive they will be; there will be no owner.Then the highest state of love is prayer. In prayer there is communion. In sex there is the I-it relationship, in love the I-thou relationship.

Martin Buber stops there; his Judaic tradition won't allow him to go further. But one step more has to be taken: that is "neither I nor thou" -- a relationship where I and thou disappear, a relationship where two persons no more function as two but function as one.

A tremendous unity, a harmony, a deep accord, two bodies but one soul. That is the highest quality of love: I call it prayer.Love has these three stages, and compassion accordingly has three stages, and both can exist in different combinations.Hence, Dorothy Kaplan, there are so many kinds of love and so many kinds of compassion. But the basic, the most fundamental, is to understand this three-rung ladder of love.

That will help you, that will give you an insight into where you are, what kind of love you are living in and what kind of compassion is happening to you. Watch. Beware not to remain caught in it. There are higher realms, heights to be climbed, peaks to be attained.

Drop seeking and start living..

This is my effort here - to make you aware. That' s why I give you so many situations. Sometimes I force you to be alone and sometimes I force you to be together with someone.

Sometimes if you are not moving in a love affair, I will almost push you into one. Sometimes I will pull you out. It is just to give you many situations in which you can see how the mind functions, how the mechanism functions.

The mind is discontent with everything that is. If you become aware of that, you will start working in a different direction. Whatsoever is, be content with it, and then the mind disappears.

Contentenment is a great meditation to help the mind disappear. Whatsoever is, be content with it. Sometimes when you are alone, be content with that and enjoy that moment, because you will hanker for it when there is a relationship. Feel blessed that this moment is there, because sooner or later somebody is going to disturb it. There are fools and fools - somebody will come and start an affair.

Before he comes, enjoy this peace, this silence, this freedom of being yourself. There is no need to compromise. There is nobody to hamper your space' enjoy it. And when somebody happens and you feel an appetite to be in a relationship, be in a relationship. But then enjoy the passion and the fever, the excitement. Enjoy the situation that love brings; the pain, the pleasure. Because sooner or later it will disappear and you will be alone again. Before it disappears, have the taste of it totally.

Love and aloneness go on happening like day and night. You have to enjoy every situation. And don’t be too much in the mind, otherwise it will poison you. Just keep a little aloof. Forget what has gone; it has gone! It is no more. And don’t be too concerned with what is going to happen; remain with what is happening, and enjoy this moment before it flies, because it is already on the wing. It will not be there if you miss it and it cannot be repeated again.

It may grow into love, it may not, but friendship is good in itself. And one never knows when he becomes a lover you may miss his friendship and you will think 'Why did I destroy the friendship?'

Friendship has its own beauty, and if you can enjoy it, it is better than a love affair. A love affair is always jumpy. There are moments of happiness but they are few and far between. There are also many miserable moments. A friendship is a more solid thing; moves on plainer ground. Friendship has a deeper equilibrium than love.

In the Vedas, there is a sutra, Madbyam Abhyam - 'The one who is in the middle need not be afraid of anything.' The middle is beyond fear. The middle means the balanced and love is not balanced. Friendship is balanced. . Love is an extreme. Friendship is a very delicate middle, a very peaceful affair. So don’t be in a hurry. Just cherish each moment as it comes.

[ a sanyasin says that she was frustrated at seeing her continual deceptions, her lying, and that she just didn’t seem to have any clarity about herself]

Once you are aware that you are being deceptive, it is not possible to continue for much longer. There are two problems that affect you - in fact that were not just your problems, but universal problems.

One is that you are missing meaning. You cant see what to live for. You somehow just drag. You get up in the morning, go to work, but there seems to be no meaning in it. This is a basic human problem.

People who are a little intelligent are bound to become aware that there is no meaning in life, but one has to live, so one has to befool oneself. One pretends that there is meaning - this meaning, that meaning - and one goes on doing this and that to help oneself believe that there is some meaning. But you know there is none.

You have to come to the understanding that there is no meaning as such in life and cannot be. Life is a meaningless energy and there is no need to find any meaning because all meanings are false, projected, man-made, do they are all lies.

This is very difficult to accept because it is very shattering. But once you understand it, many problems will disappear and you will be clear about your life.

Life is purposeless, meaningless. It is not going anywhere. There is nothing to be achieved. One has to live moment to moment but of sheer delight.

There is no need to connect one moment to another moment by a certain imposed meaning because there is none. Meaning is a lie. Somebody is living to impress people, somebody is living for political power. Somebody is living for money, somebody is trying to achieve god. And somebody is going to work out his liberation.

But a really liberated person is one who has understood that there is no meaning, so he is not seeking, searching for anything. He lives the moment. It is there - he enjoys it. If he is eating, he eats well. he enjoys. God has come in the form of food. The whole has extended its hand in the form of food. If he talking, he talks because god wants to say something and another form of god wants to listen to it, so let there be communication. If one sings, one sings totally. If one dances, one dances. Each moment in itself complete. One does not carry the past and one is not worried about the future. One lives herenow.

So this is one of the things that I see is your problem. So drop seeking meaning and start living. The second thing - and that too is nothing to do with you, that too, is human – it is that you don’t accept yourself. Deep down you feel a certain rejection of yourself. You would like to be in some other way, so whatever is there you try to overlook somehow. Then it becomes a lie. But this is my experience and observation, that nobody i came across loves himself and accepts himself. People always find excuses.

Deep down the human mind is a rejector. It goes on rejecting. You have to drop that. This is the way God wanted to be in you - fat and beautifully fat. This is the form that God wanted to take in you and he is enjoying, so why be worried? Just accept.

And when I say accept, I don’t mean accept in a frustrated state of mind. No. Accept with a deep welcome. If you can tackle these two things, your problems will disappear.

I accept you, so why cant you accept yourself?

Accept yourself, delight in your being. And there is no need to hanker for any meaning. Moment to moment is full of meaning. And whenever you lose trust, come back to Poona, so that I can hit it back into your head again, mm? you don’t have a thick head , so don’t be worried! ( a chuckle)

And sometimes stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself with very loving eyes. Sometimes touch your own face with a loving hands. One should learn how to love oneself. Lie down on the bed and feel yourself.

There is nothing to fear..

There is nothing to fear, because we dont have anything to lose.

All that can be robbed from you is not worthwhile, so why fear, why suspect, why doubt?

These are the real robbers: doubt, suspicion, fear.

They destroy your very possibility of celebration. So while on earth, celebrate the earth. While this moment lasts, enjoy it to the very core. Because of fear we miss many things.

Becuase of fear we cannnot love, or even if we love it is always half-hearted, it is always so-so. It is always upto a certain extent and not beyond that. We always come to a point beyond which we are afraid, so we get stuck there. We cannot move deeply in friendship because of fear. We cannot pray deeply because of fear.

Be conscious but never be cautious. The distinction is very subtle. Consciousness is not rooted in fear. Caution is rooted in fear. One is cautious so that one might never go wrong, but then one cannot go very far. The very fear will not allow you to investigate new lifestyles, new channels for your enerty, new directions, new lands. You will always tread the same path again and again, shuttling backward and forward - like a freight train!
- Osho