"Thy will be done, Oh Beloved of my heart."

After wearing this orange dress for two days, I wash it and go to the morning discourse in my ordinary clothes. When He looks at me, I feel He is not happy about my wearing other clothes. There is a question in His look, "What has happened to the orange dress?" I can’t understand it. How can I wear one dress for all these days?

After discourse, I am called in His room. I am scared as if I have committed some crime and I have to face the judge in the court. I enter in His room like a sheep. He is sitting on a chair with His eyes closed, and I sit on the floor near His feet. I feel relaxed, wrapped in His invisible fragrance. I can’t resist fazing at His radiant face. He opens His eyes and smiles at me. All my fear vanishes away.

He says, "You have to distribute all your other clothes to your friends and wear only orange." I ask Him, "How can I go to the office in orange dress? People will laugh and think I have gone mad." He laughs and says, "You are mad. Let people laugh, you can also laugh with them." Seeing me confused, He says, "It is up to you. You decide whether you want to be a Sannyasin or not." His voice is strong and He is really serious about Sannyas. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, leaving me in total confusion.

A special meeting is arranged in the evening in His living room, where He explains to us about His Neo-Sannyas movement. I leave the meeting with a heavy heart. I can’t digest this heavy dose. We have to live in our homes, continue our jobs and wear orange clothes and Mala around our neck. It sounds easy but does not seem practical. I am unable to sleep the whole night. When I visualize the whole scene of going to my home and office in orange clothes, my mind simply freaks out.

Lying in my bed, I can see my mind, wrestling with Osho. Finally, my love and trust for Osho wins and realizing its utter failure, my mind calms down and surrenders to the master. I whisper to myself, "Thy will be done, Oh Beloved of my heart."

Chapter 58