Accept Yourself

The moment you accept yourself you become open, you become vulnerable, you become receptive. The moment you accept yourself there is no need for any future because there is no need to improve upon anything. Then all is good, then all is good as it is. In that very experience life starts taking a new colour, a new music arises.
If you accept yourself, that is the beginning of accepting all. If you reject yourself you are basically rejecting the universe; if you reject yourself you are rejecting existence. If you accept yourself you have accepted existence; then there is nothing else to do but to enjoy, to celebrate. There is no complaint left, there is no grudge; you feel good. Then life is good and death is good, then joy is good and sadness is good, then to be with your beloved is good and to be alone is good. Then whatsoever happens is good because it happens out of the whole.

But you have been conditioned for centuries not to accept yourself. All the cultures of the world have been poisoning the human mind because they all depend on one thing: Improve yourself. They all create anxiety in you - anxiety is the tense state between that which you are and that which you should be. People are bound to remain anxious if there is a "should" in life. If there is an ideal that has to be fulfilled, how can you be at ease? How can you be at home? It is impossible to live anything totally because the mind is hankering for the future. And that future never comes - it cannot come. By the very nature of your desire it is impossible. When it comes you will start imagining other things, you will start desiring other things. You can always imagine a better state of affairs. And you can always remain in anxiety, tense, worried-that's how humanity has been living for centuries.

Only rarely, once in a while, has a man escaped out of the trap.
That man is called a Buddha. a Christ. The awakened man is one who has slipped out of the trap of society, who has seen that this is just absurdity. You cannot improve yourself. And I am not saying that improvement does not happen, remember – but you cannot improve yourself. When you stop improving yourself, life improves you. In that relaxation, in that acceptance, life starts caressing you, life starts flowing through you. And when you don't have any grudge, any complaint, you bloom, you flower.
So I would like to say to you: Accept yourself as you are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world because it goes against your training, your education, your culture. From the very beginning you have been told how you should be. Nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are; they have all put programs in your mind. You have been programmed by parents, by priests, politicians, teachers - you have been programmed for only one thing: Just go on improving upon yourself. Wherever you are, go on rushing for something else. Never rest. Work unto death.
My teaching is simple: Don't postpone life. Don't wait for tomorrow, it never comes. Live it today!
Jesus says to his disciples "Look at the lilies in the field. They toil not, they weave not, they spin not - yet even Solomon was not so beautiful as these poor lily flowers." What is the beauty of the poor flower? It is in utter acceptance. It has no program in its being to improve. It is here now - dancing in the wind, taking a sunbath, talking to the clouds, falling asleep in the afternoon warmth, flirting with the butterflies ... enjoying, being, loving, being loved.
And the whole existence starts pouring its energy into you when you are open. Then the trees are greener than they look to you now, then the sun is sunnier than it looks to you now; then everything becomes psychedelic, becomes colorful. Otherwise everything is drab and dull and gray.
Accept yourself - that is prayer. Accept yourself - that IS gratitude.
Relax into your being-this is the way God wanted you to be. In no other way did he want you to be; otherwise he would have made you somebody else. He has made you you and nobody else. Trying to improve upon yourself is basically trying to improve upon God, which is just stupid, and you will get madder and madder in trying that. You will not arrive anywhere, you will have simply missed a great opportunity.
Let this be your colour: acceptance.
Let this be your characteristic: acceptance, utter acceptance. And then you will be surprised: Life is always ready to shower its gifts on you. Life is not a Miser, existence always gives abundantly - but we cannot receive it because we don't feel that we are worthy to receive it.
That's why people cling to miseries - they suit their programming. People go on punishing themselves in a thousand and one subtle ways. Why? Because that fits with the program. If you are not as you should be, you have to punish yourself, you have to create misery for yourself. That's why people feel good when they are miserable.
Let me say it: People feel happy when they are miserable; they become very, very uneasy when they are happy. This is my observation of thousands and thousands of people: When they are miserable, everything is as it should be. They accept it - it fits with their conditioning, with their mind. They know how horrible they are, they know that they are sinners.
You have been told that you are born in sin. What stupidity! What nonsense! Man is not born in sin, man is born in innocence. There has never been any original sin, there has only been original innocence. Each child is born in innocence. We make him feel guilty; we start saying, "This should not be. You should be like this." And the child is natural and innocent. We punish him for being natural and innocent, and we reward him for being artificial and cunning. We reward him for being phony-all our rewards are for phony people. If somebody is innocent, we don't give any reward; we don't have any regard for him, we don't have any respect for him. The innocent is condemned, the innocent is thought to be almost synonymous with the criminal. The innocent is thought to be foolish, the cunning is thought to be intelligent. The phony is accepted - the phony fits with the phony society.
Then your whole life will be nothing but an effort to create more and more punishments for yourself. And whatsoever you do is wrong, so you have to punish yourself for every joy. Even when joy comes in spite of yourself - mind you, when joy comes in spite of yourself, when sometimes God simply bumps into you and you cannot avoid him - immediately you start punishing yourself. Something has gone wrong - how can this happen to a horrible person like you?
Just the other night a man asked me, "You talk, Osho, about love, you talk of offering your love. But what have I got to give to anybody? What have I got to offer to my beloved?"
This is the secret idea of everybody: "I have nothing." What do you not have? But nobody has told you that you have all the beauties of all the f1owers, because mall is the greatest flower on this earth, the most evolved being. No bird can sing the song that you can sing-the birds' songs are just noises, although they are still beautiful because they come out of innocence. You can sing far better songs, of greater significance, of much more meaning. But you ask, "What have I got?"
The trees are green, beautiful, the stars are beautiful and the rivers are beautiful-but have you ever seen anything more beautiful than a human eye? Have you ever come across anything more beautiful than human eyes? On the whole earth there is nothing more delicate than the human eyes - no rose can compete, no lotus can compete. And what depth! But you want to know, "What have I got to offer in love?" You must have lived a self-condemning life; you must have been putting yourself down, burdening yourself with guilt.
In fact, when somebody loves you, you are a little bit surprised.
"What-me? A person loves me?" The idea arises in your mind: "Because he does not know me, that's why. If he comes to know me, if he comes to see through me, he will never love me." So lovers start hiding themselves from each other. They keep many things private, they don't open their secrets because they are afraid that the moment they open their heart, the love is bound to disappear - because they cannot love themselves, how can they conceive of anybody else loving them?
Love starts with self-love. Don't be selfish but be self-full; they are two different things. Don't be a Narcissus, don't be obsessed with yourself. But a natural self-love is a must, a basic phenomenon. Only then out of it can you love somebody else.
Accept yourself - love yourself: you are God's creation. God's signature is on you, and you are special - unique. Nobody else has ever been like you, and nobody else will ever be like you - you are simply unique, incomparable. Accept this, love this, celebrate this - and in that very celebration you will start seeing the uniqueness of the others, the incomparable beauty of the others. Love is possible only when there is a deep acceptance of oneself, the other, the world. Acceptance creates the milieu in which love grows, the soil in which love blooms.

Blue Eyes Full of Love

Our relationship with our personality after awakening

What is our relationship with our personality after awakening & does it change?

Eckhart Tolle: Strictly speaking, before awakening, to a large extent, you don’t have a relationship with your personality; you are your personality. If you can have a relationship with your personality – which is the ego, with its way of reacting and thinking, and emotions – who is having a relationship with the personality? What that means is you are witnessing it. There is a witnessing consciousness there, and if there is a witnessing consciousness, then you can have a relationship with your personality. What that really means is, you can be there as a witnessing presence when your ego is doing something silly. And you can laugh at yourself, maybe in the moment, maybe afterwards. If you are totally in the grip of your personality, or your ego, then of course there is no relationship because you have become it. You’re so one with all your reactive patterns and all your conditioned thinking, that you don’t even know that there’s anything else in you. You are it. As you awaken spiritually, the awareness that is nothing to do with your personality increases, and the power of the personality, with its conditioned patterns, decreases. Gradually, the personality is no longer opaque; it is transparent to the light of awareness, or consciousness. It loses its solidity.

This is why you find that in people who are awake, or people who are awakening, there is more of a lightness to them. If there’s only personality, then there’s heaviness, a psychic heaviness in you. Everything is dreadfully serious, and [you are] defensive, always wanting something, or defending yourself against something. When you’re relating to somebody in whom there is no awareness, then you always get a slightly uncomfortable feeling, because that person is completely ill-at-ease. Ultimately, all personalities are ill-at-ease. They may pretend that they are very confident, but underneath the role of ‘confidence’, there’s always a person who feels ill-at-ease. They need to prove something, or they want something from you. That’s the personality. As you awaken, that part become a little less opaque and it becomes lighter. There’s more of an awareness that shines through the person. Ego is complete identification with your thinking and your emotions. When you are unconscious, personality and ego are one thing.

As you awaken, you become more aware of your patterns, which may to some extent still operate. I’m choosing to define personality as something that you can be aware of. It was the ego before, but you can be aware of it as patterns that still operate within you. If there is no awareness, and you are it, then it’s totally ego.

As you become aware of your ego, the ego becomes the personality, and then you can have a relationship with your personality in the sense that you can be the witness. If you have a difficult relationship with your personality, that’s a delusion. Then your personality has split itself into two, one part is having a relationship with another, and one part says “You should be better, why can’t you be more conscious?” That means there is no witnessing presence there. One part of the personality is arguing with another.

The witnessing consciousness doesn’t judge. You don’t judge yourself in any way, you just see behavior. There’s no good or bad, it just is. The need to be right, for example, is a very common thing with the ego. If it’s a deep-seated need, then you can’t be wrong in an argument. There’s a compulsion to defend yourself. Then suddenly you can see it in yourself. Ultimately, having a relationship with your personality implies that there is a witnessing presence.

Encounter the Enlightened

Mystic Eye

Date:

27 - 28 Mar 2010

Location:

USF Soccer Stadium

4202 E. Fowler Ave
Tampa, FL 33620 - USA

MAP

TIMINGS:

Registration & Reception: 4:30pm - 5:45pm
Everyone is requested to be seated by 5:45pm

Saturday: 6pm - 9pm
Sunday: 5:30pm - 10pm

Details:

This program is conducted by Sadhguru.

Mystic Eye - Vision of the Beyond

WISDOM, MEDITATION, BLISS
Exploring the mystical with Sadhguru

Sadhguru, a Yogi and profound Mystic of our times, touches on every conceivable question that anyone might harbor about the realm of the mystical - questions about enlightenment, liberation, God, death and the after-life.

Come bask in the presence of a profound mystic of our times

Delve within and uncover your innate wisdom and joy. The Mystic Eye program includes more than seven hours of powerful meditations and insightful discussions with Sadhguru, a world renowned yogi and profound mystic.

‘What is my life’s purpose?’ ‘Is there a soul-mate?’ ‘Is there life after death?’ Mystic Eye participants have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to tap into Sadhguru’s wisdom to better understand life and the path to inner peace and bliss.

Event Info:

March 27 - 28, 2010

Tampa, FL

For more information, Pl visit http://www.mysticeye.org/

The lamp of the body is the eye…

… if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.” (Matthew 6:22)

“These two eyes are discriminatory (pointing to his eyes). They tell you what is high, what is low, what is man, what is woman, what is this, what is that. These two eyes are instruments of survival.

‘If thine eye be single’—that does not mean you close one eye, like some of you do when I ask you to close your eyes (referring to meditation); I am not talking about that kind of single eye – that’s a crooked eye. [Laughter]

‘If thine eye be single’ means that you are no more discriminatory. You are seeing everything as one; you are seeing everything as the same. If you become like this, your body shall be filled with light, and that is Grace.

Grace means that the source of your existence, that which is larger than creation, is no more outside of you; it is within you. You are no more looking for an outside source of light – you have become the source of light. Once you become that, even for a moment, your life will never be the same.

We are doing so many things in Isha (Sadhguru’s meditation programs) to somehow make you experience this at least for a moment. You may not be experiencing it all the time, but if at least for a moment you see that you are filled with light, that means Grace has touched you.” ~Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev

as if the sky has come down to touch the earth

Osho is giving discourses on Mahavira at Patkar Hall in Bombay. It is the eighteen-day religious festival of the Jainas called Paryushan.

Today Osho’s mother and aunt, who have arrived from Gadarwara, will be taking Sannyas before discourse. The auditorium is over-full. Osho has arrived two minutes early today, and after greeting everyone with folded hands, sits in lotus posture with His eyes closed. Suddenly, two elderly women in orange saris, walking through the auditorium, reach to the podium and bow down to Osho. Osho slowly gets up and touches their feet first and then puts Malas around their necks. The whole scene is so touching; many friends in the auditorium start sobbing. It blows my mind away, watching Osho touching the feet of His mother and aunt. I feel as if the sky has come down to touch the earth. Such a man of heights and so simple and humble, is unbelievable. I guess it has never happened in the past history that a mother gets initiated by her enlightened son. Thank you beloved master, for giving me this opportunity of being a witness to this memorable event.

Chapter 62

One spark can burn the whole forest

Osho has stopped giving discourses to the public on open grounds. Every evening He is speaking to a group of friends in the living room of the Woodlands apartment. Morning discourses are arranged in auditoriums. We are about fifty Sannyasins now, who are allowed to sit behind Him on the podium. After discourse, there is Kirtan (singing & dancing). We all dance on the podium and Osho joins us with clapping to the rhythm of the music. It is a kind of energy play on the stage. People sitting on chairs in the auditorium stand up and dance. Every day, two or three friends gather courage to take the jump into Sannyas.

In the evening, when I reach Woodlands, Laxmi informs me about how many wickets are down today. We count on our fingers and feel happy to know that our Sannyas family is getting bigger every day. One of the friends tells Osho, "A day will come when there will be all Sannyasins listening to you in the auditorium, then only the few non-Sannyasins will sit on the podium with you."

Osho chuckles and says, "It is possible. It will take a little time. One spark can burn the whole forest. This Neo-Sannyas movement will soon spread like fire around the world.

Chapter 61

Just be playful

Osho has already moved to His new apartment in Woodlands building. I am seeing Him almost every day, narrating Him all kinds of incidents. He enjoys and laughs and tells me not to take anything seriously.

I narrate to Him how college boys throw flying kisses from the running buses when I am standing at a bus stop. I feel very awkward when people standing in the queue start looking at me as if I am a fool.

He tells me, "If someone is sending you a flying kiss, just stretch your arm and give him flying blessings. What else can you do?"

By and by, I get used to all such incidents. Osho is already very notorious and is known as ‘Sex Guru’ and people think of us as prostitutes.

By now, I have become very strong inside and don’t care a bit about others’ opinions. One morning I am waiting at the platform to catch the train. One so-called gentleman walks towards me and asks me if I would like to be with him tonight. I just tell him, "Sorry, you are too late. I am already engaged." He takes it seriously and asks, "How about tomorrow?" I reply to him, "Tomorrow never comes." He can not get the point and utterly confused, walks away.

When I tell this incident to Osho, He really enjoys it and says, "Well done, Jyoti. Just be playful like that and there will be no problem."

Chapter 60

I am really scared to come to Bombay in orange clothes and Mala. I am working in Bombay Transport Company, a huge organization running buses all over Bombay. Thousands of people are working with me in the main office at Colaba. Whenever I go on leave, I never come back in time.

I don’t face much problem at home. My father takes it easy—may be because I don’t depend on him financially. Somehow I gather courage and go to the office in orange Lunghi and Kurta with a big long Mala around my neck. Whosoever meets me, gives me a surprised look. Many think I have become part of the hippie cult. All my colleagues start asking questions about my orange dress and Mala. My boss becomes angry with me for making all this show business. I feel myself an alien amongst all these friends.

Chapter 59

"Thy will be done, Oh Beloved of my heart."

After wearing this orange dress for two days, I wash it and go to the morning discourse in my ordinary clothes. When He looks at me, I feel He is not happy about my wearing other clothes. There is a question in His look, "What has happened to the orange dress?" I can’t understand it. How can I wear one dress for all these days?

After discourse, I am called in His room. I am scared as if I have committed some crime and I have to face the judge in the court. I enter in His room like a sheep. He is sitting on a chair with His eyes closed, and I sit on the floor near His feet. I feel relaxed, wrapped in His invisible fragrance. I can’t resist fazing at His radiant face. He opens His eyes and smiles at me. All my fear vanishes away.

He says, "You have to distribute all your other clothes to your friends and wear only orange." I ask Him, "How can I go to the office in orange dress? People will laugh and think I have gone mad." He laughs and says, "You are mad. Let people laugh, you can also laugh with them." Seeing me confused, He says, "It is up to you. You decide whether you want to be a Sannyasin or not." His voice is strong and He is really serious about Sannyas. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, leaving me in total confusion.

A special meeting is arranged in the evening in His living room, where He explains to us about His Neo-Sannyas movement. I leave the meeting with a heavy heart. I can’t digest this heavy dose. We have to live in our homes, continue our jobs and wear orange clothes and Mala around our neck. It sounds easy but does not seem practical. I am unable to sleep the whole night. When I visualize the whole scene of going to my home and office in orange clothes, my mind simply freaks out.

Lying in my bed, I can see my mind, wrestling with Osho. Finally, my love and trust for Osho wins and realizing its utter failure, my mind calms down and surrenders to the master. I whisper to myself, "Thy will be done, Oh Beloved of my heart."

Chapter 58

"One who lets go of everything is a real Sannyasin."

As I come out of the room, I see Chaitanya Bharti standing there with his camera. I ask him if he will take a picture of me with Osho after discourse. He agrees to it. I tell him that after discourse I will go near Osho, where he should be available.

I sit down on the floor in the audience near the podium and close my eyes. I am in an "Aha" space. I have no clue of what is going on. There are about 400 to 500 people sitting in pin drop silence waiting to receive their master. In a couple of minutes I feel Osho’s presence near me and I open my eyes. He is right in front of me, standing with His folded hands, greeting His friends. I look upwards to see His face one more time to quench my unending thirst. He speaks nearly two hours, answering all kinds of questions.

After discourse, I walk towards Him and say, "Osho, I want to have a picture with you." He immediately agrees to it and I stand next to Him on His right side, and Chaitanya Bharti clicks his camera in seconds. This picture is my real treasure. When I receive it in the mail from Delhi, I take it to show to Osho.

Osho gazes at the picture for a minute and signs it with the message; "One who lets go of everything is a real Sannyasin."

Chapter 57

"Now you are a Sannyasin"

Meditation camp at Manali has started. Today, I go to see Osho in my regular clothes. He asks me, "Where is your orange dress? Why have you put it on?" I tell Him, "I will put it tomorrow."

Next morning, I am dressed in my orange lunghi and kurta and have come to see Him before discourse with my girl friend Veena from Bombay. We both are waiting in the living room with much excitement. After a few minutes, He comes out of the bathroom. His face is very radiant with an aura of light around Him. He greets me with a big smile as I go neat Him to touch His feet. He blesses me placing His hand on my head.

As I get up, He says, "You look good in this dress. Now you are a Sannyasin. What name should be given to you?" He places a huge Mala with big beads around my neck. I am just surprised, not knowing what is going on. I take it all as a joke and simply laugh. He looks at Veena, and the name ‘Jyoti’ slips out of her mouth. Osho likes this name and says, "It is good name but not complete. ‘Dharm Jyoti’ will be the right name for you." It all happens standing in the living room. That is how I am initiated into Sannyas. Not a big deal. I feel pulled towards Him and hug Him. He receives my hug, showering all His love on me by placing His hand on my head. I feel drowned in utter silence and joy.

Chapter 56

"It will look good on you"

Meditation camp will soon be happening in Manali. Today morning, He asks me if I like the orange colour dress of Laxmi. I say, “Yes Osho, it looks good on her.” He says, “It will look good in the meditation camp, the participants wearing the same colour. You get one dress made like Laxmi’s.” He gives the same message to Karuna also. We both agree to it.

Since that message, He has asked us three time if our orange dresses are ready. And our answer is the same, “Not yet.” There is still quite a time until the meditation camp. To my surprise today, I go to see Him and find this big pile of orange cloth sitting in one of the corners of His room. He asks me to cut the piece of cloth for my dress. I feel ashamed for not making my dress in time and giving Him all this trouble. Maybe I was not serious about it, but He looks serious. With the help of a friend, I cut four meters of cloth for me with shaky hands. Some unknown fear grips me and I am unable to look at Him. He calls me and I sit near His feet, with the bundle of cloth in my lap, looking at the floor.

He blesses me by keeping His hand on my head and says, “Get this dress made exactly in the same pattern as Laxmi’s. It will look good on you.” I look at His mischievously smiling face and get more confused, not understanding what He is up to.

Chapter 55

"The master is like a heavy cloud full of water..."

After the meditation camp at Nargol, Laxmi has started wearing orange color Lunghi and Kurta. Osho has appointed her as secretary and she comes to C.C.I. Chambers at 7:00am. Anyone wanting to see Osho has to take appointment from her. This is beyond my imagination. My mind is not ready to accept this new arrangement.

Everyday I am buying some roses from a blind boy who is selling them in a local train. Before starting dynamic, I am visiting Him in His bedroom to offer the flowers. I ask Osho about this appointment business started by Laxmi.

He laughs and says, "Don’t make it a problem. Just come before Laxmi arrives." I appreciate this great idea of my master and start coming fifteen minutes before Laxmi—and walk straight to His room. I feel it is not only me who wants to see Him, He is also waiting to see me.

Tonight, I heat Him saying in discourse, "The master is like a heavy cloud full of water, showering on those who are thirsty and ready to receive Him in their hearts. The disciple may feel grateful or not, but the master feels grateful towards those who have opened their heart towards Him."

He further adds, "This has never been said by masters before, but it is so. I am saying it from my own experience."

My head bows down in gratitude and I can't find any words to thank Him. I know He understands those hearts, which are beating in rhythm with His heart.

Chapter 54

"Don't hold, let go."

Osho has resigned from the university and has moved from Jabalpur to Bombay. He is staying as a guest in a three bedroom apartment at C.C.I.. Chambers which is rented by a friend for Him.

In one of the bedrooms, we-- may be eight friends-- do dynamic every morning from seven to eight. I am staying in the suburbs of Bombay and it takes me nearly an hour to reach there. One of the friends leads the meditation and the rest of us participate in it.

In the silent period of the meditation Osho comes in the room to see how we are doing today. I am sitting silently in Buddha posture and feel His presence near me.

He places His hand on my head and shakes it and whispers, "Don't hold, let go." And something happens. My whole body starts shaking, I start crying loudly. Some block inside is removed by His divine touch. I was never aware that I had suppressed so much inside me. I cry and cry for about half an hour and finally settle in deep silence.

I feel very relaxed and relieved of some invisible burden. A deep cleansing has happened in my psyche which may have taken years for me to do it on my own.

Thank you beloved master.

Thank you beloved master

Today is the last day in Pahalgaon. With Osho, sometime it feels the time has

stopped and at other times it feels it is running very fast. While I am busy packing, I hear the voice of this Muslim watchman, who is standing at the door. I ask him to come after an hour to help us carry our luggage to the car. As a token of his services, I give him twenty rupees, which he receives with thanks and leaves.

We are sitting on the verandah with Osho, ready to leave. The watchman comes and salutes Osho saying, "Aleikum Salaam". Osho smiles at him. He asks Osho if he can come to Bombay to serve Him. I can see tears in his eyes. He is deeply touched by Osho's love. Osho blesses him by placing His hand on his head, and asks me if I have given him some money. I tell Osho about giving him twenty rupees. Osho says, "Give him twenty more". Twenty rupees is quite an amount in these days. People hardly give five rupees as baksheesh to their servants. Osho has the heart of an emperor who is always ready to share to the maximum. I give the watchman twenty rupees more. While receiving it he holds my hand and starts crying. It touches me deeply and tears overflow from my eyes also. Thank you beloved master, for giving me this opportunity to open my heart to a stranger.

Chapter 52

"You are simply dreaming..."

Maharshi Mahesh Yogi is also in Pahalgaon with a group of Western disciples who have expressed their wish to talk to Osho. A meeting is arranged in the afternoon at an open lawn near a bungalow where Mahesh Yogi is staying with his disciples.

I take my little cassette recorder and join with two more friends in the car in which Osho is going. In nearly ten minutes, the car stops near a bungalow which has a beautiful big lawn in the garden. Lots of chairs are around. Mahesh Yogi is sitting on a chair talking to his disciples, who look very excited as we reach there. Osho namastes everyone with folded hands and sits on the chair next to Mahesh Yogi. I sit next to Osho with my recorder in my lap. There is no mike arrangement. Mahesh Yogi continues talking to his disciples for a while, explaining to them about the different paths leading

towards the same goal. I look at Osho, He is sitting with His eyes closed.

One of the Mahesh Yogi's disciple expresses his wish to hear Osho. There is pin drop silence for a moment. Osho opens His eyes, I am holding the microphone in my hand for recording His talk. Up till now, I have never heard Osho speaking in English to a group of westerners. May be it is His first talk in English. It is more like a dialogue than a discourse. I hear Him say, "There is no goal, the question of paths does not arise. All paths take you away from yourself. You are simply dreaming..."

Mahesh Yogi's disciples are conditioned by his teachings about different techniques. They start arguing with Osho. I can see they are not open and receptive, their minds are full of borrowed ideas. Still, Osho is answering their stupid questions for about an hour. Maharshi Mahesh Yogi looks very disturbed. Osho can destroy his whole business which is based on teaching people transcendental meditation. He does not allow Osho to finish His talk and interferes by trying to explain to his disciples that Osho's approach is different but He means the same thing. I am simply surprised by his stupidity. He is trying to protect himself by compromising with what Osho has said.

"That is a rare scene."

Every day lunch and dinner is sent in a tiffin for Osho and Kranti. After they finish their meal, I find lots of food is left over for Sheelu and me. We both enjoy eating the leftover food and feel happy for not having to go to the kitchen.

Today a bus is arranged to take every one for sight seeing. I am reluctant to go anywhere and not interested at all in sight seeing. My whole interest is to be with Osho. Some friends get annoyed with me. I don't understand it. I feel it is my choice and freedom to go or not. But they are determined to take me with them and start arguing.

Suddenly Osho comes out of the room and finding what is going on tells the friends to leave me alone. The friends become silent and everyone starts getting in the bus which is waiting there.

I have tears in my eyes. Osho looks at me and laughs which makes me laugh also.

He says, "Tears and smiles together. That is a rare scene."

It is good to be aware of it from the very beginning

After lunch Osho is resting in His room and I am sitting on the verandah

guarding. Three elderly Muslims walk in and say, " We want to see 'Peer-baba'." Peer-baba is an Urdu word which Muslims use for their masters. I tell them, "He is resting now" ; they could come back at 3:00pm.

They are just curious to know about Osho. To start with, one of them asks me if I am His daughter. Just to avoid unnecessary talk I simply say, "Yes." But I am wrong. It is not so simple as I thought. The other person asks, "Where is your mother?" Now I am in a dilemma, I don't know what to say. My real mother is no longer alive. Thinking of her, I say, "My mother has died." Feeling uneasy with them, I get up to go in and one of those three says, " Please, one more question. Do you have more sisters and brothers?" I take a deep breath. Things are going too far now. I feel stupid to start with a lie,

and look at them in silence.

To my great relief they leave and I hear one of them saying, "Poor girl, her mother has died and she is taking care of her father."

When I tell Osho the whole dialogue, He laughs and says, "So now you know how one lie leads to others. It is good to be aware of it from the very beginning."

Chapter 49

Loving strangers without any motive

It is very hard to burn this kerosene stove. It is giving lots of trouble. I have to clean its nipple with a pin very often and pump it for a while and somehow miraculously it burns up.

First I prepare tea and then keep the lid directly on the stove to make toast. Osho is having His breakfast on a little rectangular table placed in one corner of the kitchen. I keep the kitchen door open to keep the kerosene smell out. Today the watchman, who is a young handsome Muslim, comes to the door and bowing down towards Osho says, “Aleikum Salaam.” Osho greets him with His big heavenly smile and asks me to give him toast and tea.

But to my surprise the next day also this watchman comes at the same time and the whole incident is repeated again. Now I am sure it will repeat every day while we are there.

My intuition is not wrong, he comes every day for his tea and toast and I observe Osho is enjoying it. I feel Osho must be knowing my inner turmoil and anger against this man and is trying to bring it to the surface without saying a single word to me directly. Today I hear Him talking in discourse about unconditional love, loving strangers without any motive. Hearing this, I feel myself utterly stupid remembering the morning incident, and something clicks.

Next morning for the first time I receive the watchman with a open heart and give him toast and tea with love. Osho is watching it and when I look at Him, He gives me a sweet smile, acknowledging the change in my attitude towards the watchman.

Chapter 48

Don’t Forget..

In the morning at 8:00am, Osho is having His breakfast of toast and tea. Sheelu is helping me prepare the toast on the aluminum lid. Sheelu is helping me prepare the toast on the aluminum lid. Sheelu is a very quiet person, she hardly speaks.

While eating the toast, Osho says, "Sheelu hardly speaks, she is very quiet." I tell Osho, "Sheelu’s mother calls her devita (which means angel) because of her silent nature."

Osho laughs and says, "When my history gets written, don’t forget to mention that angels used to prepare toast for me."

Sheelu, me and friends who are present there all laugh at this remark of Osho’s, but inside I remind myself to remember what Osho has said.

Like the Emperor of Kashmir

Kashmiri people wear a typical type of dress which Osho likes very much. He tells us to go to the studio and get our photos taken in Kashmiri dress. We are excited with His idea and go for it.

After our photos are taken, we ask the cameraman if he can come with us to take a photo of Osho on a horse wearing the Kashmiri dress. He agrees to it.

Osho is sitting on the verandah with some friends. Seeing us coming with a horse and cameraman, He understands our intention and says, "Here comes the trouble."

Hearing this I tell Him, "You have troubled us all. Now please get dressed in this Kashmiri dress. We want your picture on the horse." Other friends are surprised with my remarks but Osho smiles and gets up from the chair and says, "Okay, as you wish." Kranti takes the package of the dress and goes with Him into the room.

I wonder how sometimes I talk with Osho so intimately like a friend. I realize it is because of His love that we never feel Him as separate and far above us. He allows us to open our hearts towards Him without any pretension.

In a few minutes He comes out dressed in Kashmiri dress looking like a Mughal emperor with mischievous smile on His face. The cameraman is waiting with his horse on the ground near our cottage.

Osho walks gracefully and slowly to the horse and pats Him. He rides on the horse, looks at us smilingly and the camera clicks. Next day, we get this beautiful picture of Osho sitting on the horse like the emperor of Kashmir.

Chapter 46